Hear What Other Chosen Parents and Coaches are Saying

I have two sons, 15 and 17. My oldest son is completely alienated from me, for 19 months. My youngest son still comes but is also alienated. My mother also contributes to the alienation as well as some contribution from my sister. We were alienated from our father about the same age as my children from me. My sister gets angry and denies it, even though I've never even said that's what happened to us. My oldest son will graduate from H.S. in a month and I will not be invited. He won't be 18 until December but no one will tell me where he intends to go to college, if he has a job, etc.

Things have improved with my younger son, for the most part. He will now frequently return my "I love you's" and event accept a hug. Mostly we are getting along better. Tomorrow is a mediation day so he has been really ornery and argumentative. I'm sure it has to do with that, even though he shouldn't even know about it. But it's typical. My ex always amps it up during stressful times for her. I am taking back my deservedness, and not accepting crazy doublespeak. I know my older son still loves me and needs me, but I can't escape, yet. We'll get there, even with the split in the extended family.

This class has helped me think about my own part in contributing to the alienation, but it's not so much about me being or doing even like I have been told so much from my mother and ex, which I absorbed, but about my believing those lies. I now understand the gaslighting and manipulation done to me and our children. I have some compassion for my ex, a lot more for my children and also for myself. I also am firm now that I will not ever give up on my children. I am their parent and they deserve and require me to recover them and help them heal.

I was completely cut off from my 2 grown, adult children. They have children of their own, and I had never met my grandchildren. There was a narrative about our divorce that of course led to their belief that I ruined our family, and they wanted nothing to do with me. I reached out to Dorcy because I was at a loss. I had been trying everything, or so I thought. Upon my research I heard that she had reunited with her dad when she was an adult, so naturally I was inclined to connect with her since I have adult children of my own. I was ready to call it quits. I am so glad I didn't. I took Reunited and also chose to do some one-on-one coaching because I knew I had to also clear up some of my own stories. Shortly after, I got a response from one of my kids. it wasn't the nicest, I'll say. But it got me to connect back with them, and was an opportunity for me to work on my messaging. I want to encourage anyone here that this is no race. It is a marathon that has to be trained for. I was able to clear a lot of my own trauma and story and work on my communication with this program. After communicating back and forth for some time, my children agreed to meet. I was over the moon, as it had been over a decade that i had seen them. After that, I was invited for a holiday. I got to meet my grand children. Things were shifting with each passing month and not before long I was babysitting my grandchildren. Something I had NEVER thought in a million years I would be able to do. Thank you Dorcy, for sharing your vulnerable alienating story and guiding parents to do the same.