Remember, just because you are dealing with a high-conflict co-parent, doesn't mean it is impossible to co-exist with them. It may feel like it at times, and yet it is always possible to mitigate conflict. Here are 3 ways to ease a high-conflict co-parenting dynamic.
1. Show Up Differently
Hear me out. It's easy to frequently get triggered, angry, upset, and reactive when communicating with a high-conflict parent. While understandable, this often makes the situation, conversation, and overall dynamic worse off. That's because it puts the other parent on the defense. It will create a more hostile communication style and dynamic when both parties are on the offense and therefore defense. Shift how you show up. Instead of responding to something outlandish right away, take time to pause, write down what you would want to say (in a notes app) to get it off your chest, then respond with something conscious.
2. Put Issues Into Perspective
In a high-conflict co-parenting dynamic, it is not uncommon for every minor detail to become more of an issue than it really needs to be. Humans naturally go into an argumentative mode when they are in a relationship with someone that triggers them. Thus, minor occurrences can get blown way out of proportion. Understand that not everything can go your way, or their way. So, next time you are in disagreement over something, ask yourself if it really bothers you, or if it is more about getting what you would prefer. This proactive tip can save numerous unnecessary arguments.
3. Manage Emotions and Prioritize Reducing Stress
Learning to manage negative emotions when it comes to being in a high-conflict co-parenting dynamic is going to be your best friend. That, and making sure to reduce stress levels. When you are less stressed, you will show up more consciously. Implement a self-care routine, maintain physical health and well-being, and be sure to focus on what matters most. This will allow you to show up in the best way possible, to keep the peace and be the conscious co-parent in the relationship. Your kids will benefit the most.
With these three tips, you can master the art of dealing with a high-conflict co-parent. When you find yourself really struggling with managing the relationship, we offer individualized coaching support and supportive skills that are effective in helping you become the most conscious, empowered parent for the sake of your child.
But it’s impossible to co-parent with a narc?? nothing has ever work. I don’t get it and there’s nothing we can do.
This is rather helpful, but still not something everyone can achieve, unfortunately. We must accept that there are parents who simply cannot and will not co-parent.
We don’t disagree that there are simply parents who won’t co-parent, however that does not mean the more conscious co-parent can’t learn how to mitigate conflict with a conflict person. This is what can lead to a less hostile dynamic, and that is what we work on with parents at CCPI, not to create a false sense of reality that they can create the perfect co-parenting relationship. Rather, how they have the ability to control themselves, not their co-parent, and how much power this gives them to shift the dynamic into a healthier one, not a perfect one.
I read this a few times, it has been helpful.
Thanks for sharing your insight. I truly appreciate your efforts and helping us alienated parents.