Grandparents who have been cutoff from their grandchild are not talked about as often. And yet, it is still a painful position to be in. There are a few different grandparent roles in complex families, however. So, you may know or be a grandparent who....
- is cutoff from both your child and their children (your grandchildren)
- is cutoff from your child but not their children (your grandchildren)
- is cutoff from your grandchildren but not their parent (your child)
If you fall under the top 3 scenarios listed above, here are some things to know, depending on which scenario you resonate most with:
1. Cutoff from both child and grandchildren
This is likely the case if you have been cutoff for quite some time with your child(ren), and as a result do not have a relationship with their children, either. What needs to come first is working on repairing the relationship with your child. Because subsequently, your relationship with your grandchild(ren) will follow. We have an in-depth program for parents who have adult children, and want to work on attracting their relationship back. Check out the free webinar here. Fun fact: Dorcy was cutoff from her father until she was an adult, so he was just like many other grandparents in this position. When they reconnected, he then shared a relationship with his daughter, and her daughters as well. He also reunited with his other children and then grandchildren.
2. Cutoff from your child, but not your grandchildren
This is likely the case if you are not seeking to repair the relationship with your own child, instead maintain contact/relationship with their children. While yes, they are your grandchildren, this is 'skipping a generation' and does not solve anything. Some critical thinking questions to take into consideration if you are in this position: What message does this send to your grandchildren about the relationship they have with their own parent, if you are not in relationship with their parent? Consider the repercussions of not reuniting with your child while still being in contact with their own children. What is preventing you from attempting to repair the relationship with your child? You can learn more about adult child relationships with our free webinar.
3. Cutoff from your grandchildren, but not your child/their parent
This is likely the case if your grandchildren are being alienated by their other parent, your child's co-parent. If this is the case for you, your child will want to reach out to us to learn how to repair/reunite with their child, and learn how to deal with an interfering co-parent. You can be their support guide along the way, but ultimately your child will have to be the one to mend the relationship with their children and resolve their co-parenting dispute. By your child learning how to repair the relationship with their children, the relationship with them (your grandchildren) will soon follow.
The key takeaway from this post is that parent-child relationships are sacred. So are grandparent/grandchild relationships, yet they only exist because of the grandparent's child. That being said, the parent is always in charge of the relationship with their own children, what action they want to take - and supplement to that the grandparent/child relationship commences. No matter what situation you're in, learn to Tame the Pain with our free mini course.
but what if you see your own child alienating their kids from the other parent.
Great question! They are still your child. Mirror to them what you want them to see, how you want them to act.