The road to reunification is paved with many bumps and curves. A lot of alienated parents see the hurdles, yet cannot see that they can be overcome. So instead of staying the course, they get off the path. Here is how to stay on the reunification path for the sake of your beloved children
- Focus on the Destination Ahead: As Dorcy always always says, FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT! If you only focus on the negative, that is all you will ever get. If there are too many negative factors bogging you down, you will need to reframe them. Our thoughts shape our reality. Our reality is shaped by our thoughts. Our life is a result of our mindset. If you want a different life, you need to shift your mindset. The way to do that? Focus on the destination. You want to be reunited? Is that your destination? Start envisioning what that looks like. Start imagining that happening, the scenarios in which you want that to take place in. Train your brain. Speak it out loud, write about it, you'll soon start dreaming about it, and it will be all you focus on. But hold on- make sure the focus is clear and fine-tuned. For example, some parents mistake focusing on reunification as focusing on how to get back at the court system that wreaked havoc on their family. So much so, though, that they forget to focus on what is closest to them: reuniting with their child. Focus on the justice system later. There is no time to wait for your child. Plus, if more and more parents focus on their child, the more the system is changing already.
- Accept There Will Be Roadblocks: Life is imperfect. Humans are imperfect, therefore parents are imperfect. You will not have all the answers, and you will do and say things you shouldn't. The important part is learning from those mistakes or erroneous actions, and being dedicated to growth. Listening to those who have seen the other side. Not trying to live by 'trial by fire.' Don't fear failure; embrace it as a stepping stone to success. Understand that setbacks are part of any journey, including the reunification one. They offer valuable learning experiences. A proactive mindset sees failure as an opportunity for growth and a chance to refine your approach.
- Walk with Empowered Parents: The people you surround yourself with have a profound impact on your mindset. Choose to be around parents who have actually reunited, or parents who are determined to do so and will do whatever it takes. Not parents who choose to remain sole victims of alienation, and believe they cannot reunite. Because they won't, if they don't believe so. Their mindset will only be focused on the negative, and so they will never be successful at reunification. It doesn't just happen one day, parents have to seek the path and stay on it. Seek out mentors and positive influences who can provide guidance and support on your journey towards change and positivity. Invest in those who understand the true pathology. Not those bogged down by the PAS narrative that you are only a victim and you must retaliate against the other parent.
- Celebrate Small Wins: Any reunification 'win' is worth celebrating. If you finally get a response from your child, even if it's hostile, celebrate you got a slight connection. Then work towards improving that communication. You will start rewiring your brain to look forward to those wins, and work towards more wins (i.e., learning the best ways to communicate with them for better chances at connecting like with our $97 workshop, etc).
- Care for Yourself Along the Way: Make sure to do things for you, too. Find peace in the little things, take of your body, and prioritize positivity and happiness without feeling like that means you need to give up on the reunification process. There is a very fine line between giving up so you can stop feeling the pain of alienation, vs working on yourself and happiness while simultaneously focusing on reunification, so you can be the soft place to land for your child. Take our (free) Tame the Pain mini course- right here, right now.
Just because a road is bumpy, does not mean you have to get off it. The reunification road can be very bumpy, and yet it is critical to stay the course if you want to truly and effectively reunite with your child. We are here to guide you along the path.
The communication workshop was awesome. Gave me things to say at my co counseling later that day. Thank You God that I had this workshop that I just stepped out of to be brave to engage with her even though the councilor didn't think it was a good idea. If I left it up to the councilor he didn't know when my daughter would stop being afraid of me to bring us into session together. But after using some of her phrases I learned that day I was able to start a dialog with her and she spoke to me for the 1st time in over a year and a half! Granted it was what they said she was going to say …. but I was armed with positive communication which allowed me to be resilient enough to want to go back to invite my daughter to go deeper with emptying out her preverbal baggage in my trash can with the smell good liner. They helped me understand this is part of the process. THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH!!
The communication workshop was awesome. Gave me things to say at my co counseling later that day. Thank You God that I had this workshop that I just stepped out of to be brave to engage with her even though the councilor didn't think it was a good idea. If I left it up to the councilor he didn't know when my daughter would stop being afraid of me to bring us into session together. But after using some of her phrases I learned that day I was able to start a dialog with her and she spoke to me for the 1st time in over a year and a half! Granted it was what they said she was going to say …. but I was armed with positive communication which allowed me to be resilient enough to want to go back to invite my daughter to go deeper with emptying out her preverbal baggage in my trash can with the smell good liner. They helped me understand this is part of the process. THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH!!